People

I love it when ppl tell you that you can do better than the person you are with but yet you can never seem to find anyone else. They can be sitting there telling you that you are so beautiful or smart all that bs and nothing will ever come out of it ya know what I mean? Well I just think that it is bs....that is what ppl are telling me and yet I can not find someone who can just carry on an intellectual conversation....I'm not pretty or else I would have tons of guys flocking towards me so I wish that they would just drop it and let me be down....I know that is horrible but I'm really not in a great grand and wonderful mood right now....o well...

Work

So work was actually really fun today I really think that I'm going to miss the team that I have grown to love....I am kinda starting to second guess myself about this new job....o well it is a new experienece right? Right! Well neways the guy that I went out with last night txt me and was all like are we dating or can we date other ppl....I was like well we can date other ppl already found sumone huh? And he was like No so I don't understand what he is getting at I mean he needs to come right out and tell me and stop pussyfooting around the issue! Plus he is moving next month so....yea neways I'm going to go I think I have pissed him off or somthing o well...night!

BORED

Yes this is my summer vacation and I'm bored....I really need to be calling the college to set up a meetin with an advisor but...hey thats me I'm a procrastinator....plus I really don't want to do it right now ya know what I mean? Well neways I have to go to work at like 2:30 so excited....o well then I have to go to work tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and then I'm off until Friday yeah!!! Neways I guess that I will just go ahead and get off of here.....Hey Chris if you are reading this we need to go out next week sometime luv ya...

Good Time

Well I went out with this guy today...I don't know if you would call it a date simply because I don't know where we stand if that makes sense...but neways I really really had a good time he has really changed since the last time and I'm really happy about that and he was completely cute and sweet to me I think that I had my guard up tho because shit had happened b4 so I guess that I was kinda just waitin for it all to crumble but o well....He is moving next month so yea.......o well it was fun and he will be a good friend

Weird

So this is really weird this guy is starting to talk to me and I don't know try to make up for what he did I don't know what to I do know one thing I'm going for a new job and I'm EXCITED!!!!!

What else can go wrong?

Well on tuesday night I went to the ER because I have a huge corneal abbration that covers my whole EYE! Thus why I can't sleep.....o well I guess that I better go try night

It's finally here

I just can't believe that the day that I have been waiting for for so long is finally here. I wish that I could say that my hs time has been fun but I think everyone knows that I would be lying! O well I just can't seem to believe it. It seems like I should be going back. I don't know. The only thing that I am going to miss is not seeing Chris. I hope that we stay in touch forever. Chris I know I never would have made it if it wasn't for you! I love you!

I'M FAILING!!!!

So yea thats right Erica the one who never has to study is failing her college class as of right now!!! I am so fuckin pissed off at myself I don't even know what the fuck to do!!!!! I'm hoping that she just hasn't enter sum of the grades o please lord god please let that be it!

Danny came over last night!!! got to go bye byes

What am I going to do???

So it just hit me...I'm 18 now and I really haven't done anything with my life....my whole life I have just wanted to run away from here, this place, the people.....now that it is here I find that I'm not really ready (financially) to go anywhere!! How frustrating is that.....I just don't know.....wow I am just so out of it right now that I am rambling!

So I tihnk that I'm going to look into getting on som anti-depressants.....maybe that will help me....I just don't know what is wrong I just cry and sometimes it is for no reason. I can't seem to stay happy about anything I always feel like I am doing something wrong. I just can't seem to look deep inside myself and like myself....I mean I am ok with who I am and sometimes I like who I am but there are times when.....I just don't..

I feel alone and isolated and I feel like I do that to myself but I just don't want to let anyone in. It hurts when they hurt me...and that seems to happen more often than not....but the few that I have let into my life I have had a lot of fun...

Tomorrow Chris and I are supposed to go to Hutchison but....I don't know if I really want to I mean I do but I'm just afraid that I will be down and depressed and he won't have a good time.....I really have been looking forward to this day and now all of a sudden I don't know what is wrong with me.....