I'M FAILING!!!!

So yea thats right Erica the one who never has to study is failing her college class as of right now!!! I am so fuckin pissed off at myself I don't even know what the fuck to do!!!!! I'm hoping that she just hasn't enter sum of the grades o please lord god please let that be it!

Danny came over last night!!! got to go bye byes

What am I going to do???

So it just hit me...I'm 18 now and I really haven't done anything with my life....my whole life I have just wanted to run away from here, this place, the people.....now that it is here I find that I'm not really ready (financially) to go anywhere!! How frustrating is that.....I just don't know.....wow I am just so out of it right now that I am rambling!

So I tihnk that I'm going to look into getting on som anti-depressants.....maybe that will help me....I just don't know what is wrong I just cry and sometimes it is for no reason. I can't seem to stay happy about anything I always feel like I am doing something wrong. I just can't seem to look deep inside myself and like myself....I mean I am ok with who I am and sometimes I like who I am but there are times when.....I just don't..

I feel alone and isolated and I feel like I do that to myself but I just don't want to let anyone in. It hurts when they hurt me...and that seems to happen more often than not....but the few that I have let into my life I have had a lot of fun...

Tomorrow Chris and I are supposed to go to Hutchison but....I don't know if I really want to I mean I do but I'm just afraid that I will be down and depressed and he won't have a good time.....I really have been looking forward to this day and now all of a sudden I don't know what is wrong with me.....

Check Up

So I haven't been on here in awhile so I thought that I would just do a really quick post to tell everyone whats going on.....right now I'm struggling to keep up with all the freaking homework that I have to do for Anatomy and Sociology! Right now I'm "working" on my anatomy project over Scarlet Fever..then its off to do two pages of anatomy and a zillion pages for sociology (not really but it sure seems like it).

I took Chris and I lunch on Wednesday....he's really down about college...life after hs.....I think that I will go and see if I can find some photography colleges for him.........well if I have time to....he is also down because Yi (I dont' know how to spell his name) is leaving for college and he is down about that and I just don't know what to do but I was crying the other night because I was just thinking about him and how much his friendship means to me (JP blew me off again!!!) I just want him to be happy...g2g now laterz...

Nothing much

Well work went by ok today I'm glad nothing else went wrong...my boss (store manager) got mad at me and I just can't understand why he just decided to pick me out of the group and use me as an example! I mean I wasn't the only one who was standing around talking....my whole department was standing around talking! But would you figure that I am the first and only one to get blamed for all of us standing around talking and the zone not being right!!! Can we say BULLSHIT???!!!!

Right now I am just waiting for these kids' parents to get home from a party. There were five of them tonight...they are so incredibly sweet and cute! There is a four month old, two year old (that just woke up but luckily I was able to get him to go back to sleep, a four year old, and two six year olds (well one is almost six).....

I can't decide if I should stay here and spend the night or if I should just go home....I'm kinda tired but I know that I still need to clean my room and figure out what I want to wear tomorrow....ok so mainly the reason why I wouldn't drive home is because:
A: It will be two o'clock in the morning
B: I don't want to get pulled over by a cop

ya know since it is so early I don't want them to think that I have been out parting you know what I mean???? Well I"m outta here laterz....

Get me the HELL out of here!!!!!

So mom and I got into it big time because I didn't turn in this scholarship! So what if I want to fuck up my life then let me fuck it up its not your life! I'm fucking 18 now I can do what the fuck I want to do! I can't wait to get the hell out of this god forsaken place!!!! Work is pissing me off to though I so want and need a new job but my boss tells me that there are going to be some changes made so I guess that I will hold off for a lil while longer....I'm thinking about getting two jobs for the summer that a way I will have more money for college since you know i"m a worthless girl who fucks everything up!!!!! Well I've got to go laterz!!!