The job hunt continues.....

So now more than ever am I ready to get the hell out of that fucking job!!!!! I can't stand how two faced and backstabbing the ppl are!!!!! So now I am going back to the job hunt except this time with a mission!

Today my teacher came into talk to my mentor to see how everything was going and all that bull shit........and omg was she so sickenly nice to them! Even to me!!! Talk about two faced!!!! Thats ok my mentor got his jab at her! ^_^ So I get to go and talk to her tomorrow so that I can see how I'm getting graded...like I really fucking care I bet I got an A because that is what they would say....

Tomorrow I am going to get my contacts! I'm so excited because that means that I will have them for my birthday for when I go out and PARTY!!!!! I think that I drove by Danny and Chris today but I just ignored them.....I still haven't given in and called him....I'm really proud of myself for that.....

I am going to go to prom this year I think....I think that I will take this foreign exchange student that is living with my Aunt....does that sound stupid??? I hope not.....I think that he is going to spend the night with me too because he lives so far out and we won't be getting home until like 5 in the morning.......thats all for now...later...

Just Friends

So I went to see that movie just friends with my best friend Josh and one of his friends Drew. I really had a good time with them they made me laugh and just really had a great time with them....I really like this guy Drew I think he is incredibly cute and so funny but I'm kinda thinking that he is a player and that he knew that I like him and that he was just feeding off of me. Hope that made sense I don't know if it does because it does when I wrote it ya know in my mind it makes sense. Neways I just don't want to be played and used but there is this other guy that they might be hooking me up with so we will see what goes on....Maybe I will get with the other guy instead. I do kinda feel like a loser because they want to hook me up with someone and so does my other friend. She wants to bring someone along with us to dinner.....but we will see if she does or not....I'm kinda scared that this will turn out to be about everyone else and they will forget that it is my birthday ya know what I mean....like they just won't care or pay attention to me....I know that makes me sound conceeded but I don't know I just want this day to be a good day because I am turning 18! I"m totally not that type to be conceeded or anything like that but yea...neways......I wonder how Chris is doing...I hope that he is doing good and that they haven't moved into that "room" yet! Well I guess that that is all that I really have to talk (type) about for now....laterz!

Shoppin Malls

There are like a whole bunch of different places where we can go and shop in Hutch or Newton...its up to you though Chris.

So I went to school to career today and nothing much really went on just kinda boring just did some filing but o well....I really don't have much to talk about so I'm going to go laterz!

Another Boring Night

Tonight I had to go to work and well it was just a really boring night because we weren't all that busy but boy did I have a hard time getting everything done by 10. My boss kinda got mad at me and my friend because we didn't have our name tags on and then we didn't go and get any to put on so that mad him mad and he like hit me on the shoulder but like it didn't hurt or anything but I really don't care....I want out of there so bad!!! I think that I will try this job that my father suggested it sounds like fun. But it was funny I turned to my friend and said "Garts here I come" she was laughing.....well I'm going to go and do some scholarship shit so laterz!!!!

Job Hunt

So I went with my friend to go and look for a new job....I got like applications for like six places and she went to like 13! I don't know if I will fill out any of them or even take them back but o well right??? I did fill out one for Peir One so lets see how that one does. I don't even know if I want a new job ya know??? Well neways we had fun today....

Last night I was talking to this guy who has been my friend for so long and I jsut don't think that I want to talk to him anymore. I just get so down and everything when I am with him....but I don't want to be a bad friend. O well its all just a lil too complicated for me to talk about neways.....

Work

So work was horrible yesterday....all I did was cry.....Well first I was really tired and I don't really know why but I was and then Ben and his fiance came in to see me and it just really bothered me I know that this is going to sound really shallow but I really wanted her to be ugly! I know shallow but o well I'm sure glad that I got out of that relationship when I did! He is really goofy looking now! Then I messed up at work and I'm afraid that they are going to be mad at me and I was crying about Danny and I just feel even stupider for crying at work it was horrible! So I really don't want to type anymore I just thought that I would vent a little bit! But the only good thing about last night was that Jessie came over and she and I got to spend sometime together and that is really good because like we used to be best friends and now we have drifted apart because we both work and everything but she is going to go out with me on my birthday and I think maybe a couple of other people from work will!!! YEAH!!!!!! Life is good!

Why Danny Why

OK so I know that I said that I was done with him and that it didn't bother me anymore and that I was never going to think or talk about him again.........well I was lying!!!! So now I have to get this off my chest.

Why don't you call me? Why don't you try to come by and see me? I know I wasn't the nicest person when I talked to you the past couple of times but you really hurt my feelings...I just want you to be a man and call me once in awhile....even if its just to call to say hello....I just wanted to feel special I called you all the time every night before I went to bed actually and you called me what once out of 2 years.....I called you to get together to exchange gifts and what do you say....I'm uhh.....busy! BUSY!!!! I guess that you are too busy for me so I should just remove myself from your life completely because even when I tried to call you again to see if you wanted to get together you told me that you would call and you know what you didn't!!! So yea I called you again to bitch you out I'm sorry but I just am so hurt by you not calling me.......I don't want you to be my boyfriend but I did want you to be my best friend....the one I turn to you and Chris you were the only ones that I had....Thank God that I still have Chris because w/o him I would be lost right now....I just thought that you would like to know how I was feeling about all of this....I know that you will never read this but it kind of helps me to vent....I love you Danny I probably always will but....you never will know that because I am removing myself from your life......it will be hard yes but I am a Survivor and I will be ok....Like Chris said there are better people out in the world and I will hopefully find them.....I just thougth that you should know.....Love you!

Ok so sorry about all of that but it really helps me to get that off my chest and well the only person that is going to read this is Chris and he knows the whole story so why should I feel ashamed??? I am so sorry about tonight Chris I was so horrible I am so sorry I really did have a good time and I just need ur help to be nicer I guess I'm sorry about the movies tonight......Man I came home and just cried and cried it felt good to do that....I think this is the first step in both the healing and forgetting process! Lets hope anyways!

Stupid Ignorant PEOPLE!!!

OK so why do you get these stupid ppl who think that they know everything???? I mean just because I am still in high school doesn't mean that I am stupid by any means....I am almost a sophomore in college and I have even graduated yet!!! So yea maybe I am in hs but that doesn't meant shit! You don't know me! SO don't fucking tell me that I am going to get out of hs and go get a job where I'm only going to my $5.50 an hr when I'm already making $2 more!!! STUPID BITCH!!! This was what I had to put up with at my first hr class this morning on top of being late to school!!! Yea so that put me in a really great freakin mood for my next class where I found out that I got a freaking D on my English Quiz I never ever do that bad on anything that has to deal with English I love English its like one of my best subjects...and my teacher was so nice she tried to make me feel better told me that I had on a really cute shirt and hoped that I would get over this cold...yes I am still battling with it a lil bit...

I am happy to report that I think I am losing weight or just firming up either way my pants don't fit anymore they are like sliding off and I have to wear a belt and somtimes that doesn't even help I am so happy!!!! Yet I still have a long ways to go I am going to go and run (ok so its a fast walk on the tremile) for 20 min. I am so happy I love this losing weight stuff....

Hey Chris I tried to call you tonight but like no one answered hope your parents aren't mad...call me tomorrow night when you get off work or before I go to school or something ok???? I think that we will just go to Old Chicago's does that sound good to you???

Hectic Day

So I had to hurry around to get my Anatomy crossword puzzle done today and I still didn't have it done by class time and now I have like three or four packets that are due by Friday!!! I'm so screwed so I think that I'm going to go and work on that here in a lil while. I went shopping again today and I bought two new pairs of pants but they were a really good buy so I didn't really worry about it. Hey Chris you want to go do something with me tomorrow I will call you tonight with the details but I can pick you up after school ok???? Got to go laterz.....

Long Night

Well babysitting tonight was fun challenging but fun...I love those kids they are so sweet. I just hope that this doesn't become a habit of theirs to have me babysit I mean I know that I'm getting paid and that they aren't that bad of kids but I really do not like to babysit! Plus it can't really become a habit because I have work and I work so many hours....but o well I can't wait to see how much they pay me tho. I was there like an hr longer than I was supposed to be plus I helped them out earlier thyat night so lets see I'm guessing that it won't be that much....damn I still have that anatomy crap to do! I don't think that I will ever get that done!

So tonight when I was driving home I just started thinking about Danny I know Chris I vowed never to think about him ever again but I just can't seem to shake him. He was so important to me ya know...I told him everything and we hung out and stuff...but neways I just like almost started to cry I don't know what came over me I really need help forgetting him....I know I make it sound like we were dating but we weren't ya know just really great friends or so I thought but now since he won't call me I know that he wasn't that great of a friend and he didn't think that much of me....I mean I know he loves me but obviously not enough to want to call me just so say hi. I need a new man pathetic aren't I.....my nephew is almost 13 and he has a gf and his aunt can't even get a bf or even get hit on! I haven't gone on a date in like 5 months!! And to my knowledge I haven't even gotten hit on but I never really know when I'm being hit on or checked out so I could be wrong but it is highly unlikly...I know I'm stopping the pity party right now! Well I guess that I better go try to finish my Anatomy wish me luck!

First Day

Well today was my first day of interning at the Chiropractic office...it was kinda boring because all I was doing was filing and stuff like that but it was ok because I got to stay and help them set up for some health talk. Well neways then they wanted me to watch their two kids which is fine with me but I am kinda nervous because they have down syndrome but it is only for 2 hrs so I'm thinking that it won't be that bad right??? Well I hope not anyways....I'm really kinda tired I didn't even go and work out today because of how tired I am...

Well I think that is all that I have to talk about right now...I will talk to you more tomorrow Chris! O shit I just remembered I have to do that damn Anatomy shit!!! I guess that I will be staying up late again tonight to finish up that stuff...CRAP!!! Well I'm outta here laterz.......

Gettin better!!

So to start out my new year it kinda sucked but....now that I am getting on into the new year its getting better!!! I am just starting to be a lot happier and just not really care about what others think about me...I love this. Also I started working out which is just great I love the burn!!!!! I'm still a lil sick but o well.....I'm just happy that I can keep food down now!!! I went out with Chris and Raye this week and had a blast....I love you Chris we have to go shoppin again sometime!! Raye and I went out to eat at a burger place and she went and watch her first rated R movie at the theaters....well where she could leagally get in....We went and saw the 40 Year Old Virgin....it was funny although I had seen it before. We just had a lot of fun just hangin out with each other...it felt so good to just get out of the house and go... Tonight my nephew and I went to Wal-Mart to get some movies it was ok we had fun but damn teenage years man......he has a lil mouth on himself....I don't like it too much but I shouldn't say anything because he probably got his attitude from me....OPPS.....karma's a bitch!

Danny still hasn't tried to get ahold of me and I'm ok with it because I just don't care anymore since he doesn't. I think that I am definately going to go and take back his gifts though....well I have to find the reciept for one but I'm going to definately take the other one back....what do you think Chris....think I should hold on to them and just see what happens???? Damn now I have a coughing attack....this sucks o well though right??? My ex told me that he is going to bring his gf to my work place so that I can meet her....well he said that to my mom anyways...he also said that I was the one who wanted to meet her and I'm thinking ok when the fuck did I ever say that I wanted to meet him??? O that's right NEVER!!!! I don't really care if I ever meet her why should I care??? Everyone thinks that he is just trying to make me jealous and I'm thinking why??? Why should I be????I mean I broke up with the guy so I could really care less but maybe in some weird way he still likes me even though he is her fiance!!!! That's right FIANCE!!!!!!! Well I think that I'm going to go watch some of those movies now......Laterz.....

Still Sick

Well this shit that I have is really the pits....I'm still sick and now it has turned into a sinus infection! On top of that I now have an upper respritory infection too!!! Boy am I lucky....

Well I called Danny gave him hell for not callin me and well....I more than likely won't be hanging out with him anymore....I think that I really pissed him off! But damn it I'm sick of it!!

I am happy to report that my sister is now gone!!!!! Thank God for small miracles!!! I know that is horrible but damn she was pissin me off....she was alway on everybody's freakin case....my neices and nephews.... Well I'm thankful that she is gone...but now I have to deal with my mother who is now on my case about not doing anything!!! I can't wait to move the hell out of this place!!! I just want to be by myself...I hate this town I don't relate to anyone around here and I sure as hell don't talk to anyone from there so why should I stay here??? I love my mom to death don't get me wrong....it's just that her and I are so freaking different....she's domesticated while I'm sure the hell not!!! She does things little at a time when I want just one full day to do it all...O well fuck it all!! Anyone reading this I just don't want you to think that I do not love my mother or my family because they are my life....they just piss me off sometimes!!